Confessional.

Bless me, sex-positivity, for I have sinned.

I have practiced monogamy.

I have nodded approvingly while secretly being bored to tears by "feminist porn" from the "female erotic perspective," then gone home to beat off to Extreme Anal Insertions 5.

I have worshipped the Judeo-Christian God.

I have gotten ever-loving sick of the word "problematic" as a completely generic sensitive-sounding way to say "I don't like this, or at least feel like I shouldn't like this, but can't be bothered to make an actual judgement about it."

I have been overemotional about casual sex and underemotional about committed sex.

I have given misogynist entertainment a pass just because it was really frickin' funny.

I have consented to sex that I wasn't really into, to maintain a relationship or follow through on a promise or frankly just to humor him; I have put my partners into the same position themselves.

I have had my own consent violated and let it slide because it wasn't like a super big deal, really.

I have groped.

I have felt crappy about masturbating, because a really hot chick would be getting laid right now, and no, it's not "sex with yourself," it's just stupid old masturbation.

I have lied about my "number," in both directions.

I have been a party to cheating.

I have yearned for a tiny blonde big-titted body.

I have given blowjobs without condoms and lady-blowjobs without dental dams, and wondered, seriously, does anyone really use dental dams?

I have voted Republican.

I have had sex completely shitfaced drunk and/or high.

I have not insisted on foreplay, or on my own orgasm, or on stimulation of my own fetishes and sensitive places.

I have been creepy.

I have patronized the sex shop that's 5% cheaper, rather than the one that's women-owned and well-lit and friendly and destigmatizing and based on sound feminist principles.

I have considered penis/strapon-in-vagina/anus intercourse the "real thing" and everything else "just messing around."

I have worn makeup and girly-ass clothes and high-heel shoes, not because they were "really me" but because I figured my appearance needed all the help it could get.

I have lived caught between the raging storm of emotions and desires within me and the fucked-up complicated world outside me, and I have found one simple set of beliefs--any one simple set of beliefs--utterly inadequate to guide my confused, defiant, frivolous, inconsistent, selfish, independent, practical, irrational, cynical, fallible, human life. When I have the luxury to pontificate about it I may be a good sex-positive feminist, but when I go out and live my life I am not sex-positive nor sex-negative, but sex-fucked-up in all kinds of crazy ways.



I shall say three Hail Susie Brights and an Our Betty Dodson.