Nails.

Of all the arbitrary, labor-intensive, and mildly humiliating things considered markers of attractiveness in women, few baffle me more than long fingernails.

I understand the appeal of clean and smooth fingernails, of course, and painting nails isn't too shocking. That's just another form of makeup, or a very mild body decoration.

No, what I don't get is the long nails. For my job, my sex life, typing, and frankly my life in general, I find it much more comfortable to have very short nails. I once tried on long fake nails, and it was a miserable experience; I had to manipulate small objects with the nails rather than my finger pads, and I found myself prone to "levering" the nails painfully off my nailbeds. (Then I tore and nearly removed my real fingernails when I tried to take the damn things off. I was dripping blood from a couple of fingers. SEXY GLAMOROUS BEAUTY.)

The really weird thing about long nails, too, is that men don't seem to care. Men often mention noticing a woman's body and clothing, often her makeup and perfume. I've never heard a guy comment on a woman's nails. The phrase "she was a slim 34DDD with silky blonde hair and nails so long she couldn't do her damn zipper" does not appear in Literotica stories. But somehow the nails still seem to be considered "sexy," sometimes even "slutty," and porn stars and sex-symbol models and actresses have ridiculous manicures.

What's "sexy" never seems to have much to do with what's good for sex, but in the case of nails the problem is particularly obvious. I got fingered once by a chick with long fingernails. OW.

At least the nails aren't mandatory. Short nails, like flats, are one of those beauty areas where you can generally get away with being comfortable and still look traditionally feminine. As long as they're clean, very few women and very few men are ever going to go "oh my god, your nails are so short, ewww!"

But this just makes it even more baffling that some women do go to the trouble of doing the nail thing. I don't understand it at all.