Dog Catches Car.

I was playing World of Warcraft (yeah, I know...) and out of nowhere I got a message: "Hey baby wanna cyber?" No greeting at all, no preliminary conversation, just a message he's probably sending to every feminine username on the server. And then, in the safe little world of WoW, I decided to do an experiment.

"Sure!" I said.

We met at an inn, went to an upstairs room with a bed, and stood awkwardly on it because it's hard to sit or lie down in WoW. We took our clothes off, which still left us with unremovable underwear. We couldn't touch each other. And we... stood there. Staring.

I was willing, I told him, but since this was his idea he'd better be the one to get us started. So he told me about that he'd take my clothes off, and um, and um, he'd um...

He had no idea. Not the faintest sense of where to begin. It was clear he'd never actually had cybersex before, much less real sex, and although he reassured me he was 19, that's exactly the age I said I was when I was 14. (See, 18 is too obvious, but 19, that's like you picked an age at random, that's totally plausible.) The aggressive, harassing man was very literally a boy.

To his credit, he didn't get angry or disappear when I pointed out the above to him (well, I didn't speculate on his real sex life); he fessed up. He never actually had cybersex before, it just seemed like it would be really fun. He figured that one you get going, you know, the woman takes charge and she types sexy stuff to you.

"So what's in it for her? Why should she go to that trouble for you? That's like having to sit down and write an erotica story by yourself, it's hard work and I'd expect something out of it--sex or companionship or money or something. Why are you worth it?"

Um, um, well, she should, um, don't women just, um, I mean don't women like, um...

*DildoBaggins has logged off*

/sigh