Unreasonable Demands Regarding Shaving.

Dear Alan, -It was really sweet that you shaved your pubes! I didn't even ask, but you said "Well, you do it," and I admire ...

Quickie Cosmocking.

Just got February's issue. Don't have time to do a full multipage mockathon (notable: they put a photo of Heath Ledger wearing ugly...

Belly.

Benny says "I'm really not attracted to fat women... I mean, uh, fat women who tie me up, that's, uh, different... but it's...

Scattered Alanfucking.

•Last night I had to work the graveyard shift, 11 PM to 8 AM. I went over to Alan's until 11 because he lives a few blocks from my work...

Scattered Cosmocking.

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I Am The World.

I have a tendency to think of people 1% less kinky than me as "freakin' prudes!" and people 1% more kinky than me as "fre...

Scissors and Ice.

I went over to Benny's and yelled at him a bit about the "quality woman" thing, and he apologized. Admittedly both the admoni...

Evil Plot Backfires!

Okay, so apparently Benny was merely suffering from a proportional discrepancy with his enormous Sasquatch body, because he is somewhat ove...

The Case For Mandatory Comprehensive Sex Education.

"Circumcision? Does that mean Jewish men can't have babies?"

Evil Plot.

Boys won't let me measure their penises. I measured my hands. (Three inches across exactly. I have tiny hands.)

Tight.

I went to the gynecologist today. The first speculum she tried was the standard adult size and it didn't fit at all. She tried twice--...

And I rest my head on Benny's hairy thigh and I think to myself, "Thank God this motherfucker doesn't own me."

Mistress Matisse, who knows a hell of a lot more about these things than I do, gets it on the nose regarding "Total Power Exchange...

Binding Alan.

I tied Alan up once. It was terrible. Very early in our relationship, I brought my rope over to his place, and in retrospect I made a serio...

AIDS Training.

As part of my nursing assistant certification, I had to take a state-mandated 7-hour HIV/AIDS training course. It was taught--literally--by...

Quality.

Benny's looking for a "real" girlfriend. Apparently I don't count, because I was too upfront about wanting sex, thus maki...

3 weeks.

I went over to Alan's after not seeing him for three weeks. It was great. Warm and happy and sweet. One thing about a short guy--we...

Twitchy.

Whenever I cuddle with someone, I have to adjust my position every three seconds. It's not that I don't like cuddling--cuddles are ...

The Ongoing Conflict Between Sexy and Real.

"Your feet are callused." "I walk on them."

Paradigm.

I always got a sense, growing up, that the general script for sexual relations was "Men pursue, women deny." A boy asks for a dat...

Saddest.

Probably the saddest confession I will ever make on this blog: way back in my teenage years, when I was with Kevin, I used to sleep on the f...

Long Night With Benny.

-He comes to the door in, indeed, a "goddamn penguin suit." It could not be hotter. His apartment has three floors and the jacke...

Good night.

Tonight I learned that yes, it is possible to have an orgasm entirely from your butt. Good times. Details later.

Why to never read your fuckbuddy's blog.

Because you will stumble upon a very old entry describing him serving his girlfriend a home-cooked five-course dinner with champagne on a ta...

Girl Clothing.

Benny keeps nagging me to wear skirts, stockings, makeup, heels, highly frippy underwear, lingerie for Christ's sake. He wants me to g...

It's good to be back in town, part 2.

Man, I'd forgotten how much more satisfying masturbation is with a buttplug in. Why the hell did I not pack my best little friends on t...

It's good to be back in town.

Benny, sprawled on the couch, shirt and shoes still on and pants bunched around one leg. COPS on the TV. A beer in his hand. Me on my kn...

For your security.

I got off the plane and there was a ticket in my bag saying "Notice of Baggage Inspection"--the TSA had gone through my stuff! My ...

Chow Mein.

Sex is like Chinese food: tastes great, but you're always hungry an hour later. I think even if I lived with an extremely horny and acco...

Oh no, not another goddamn orgasm.

There's a lot of resources out there for men who come too fast, or women who can't come. I couldn't find any sex tips on how a ...

Gay Like Me.

Today I met Aebhel and Dorkiewitch in Scranton, Pennsylvania. We had a pretty good time, and we conducted a social experiment with fucking ...

Local fantasies.

Someone gave me a waterproof vibrator as a Christmas present. (I got a lot of sexually oriented Christmas presents--I'm now the proud ...

Cosmocking: January '08.

I think I'm going to make snarking Cosmopolitan magazine into a regular feature. It's the most famous women's magazine, it...

Nipples. (And constructive criticism.)

I'm still unclear about what, if anything, man-nipples are able to feel. As in a lot of sexual things, there's two confusing factors...

Hormones.

I'm taking my first weeklong break from the pills and have discovered: -I'm not pregnant! Oh my God I am so totally not pregnant! ...