Expectations.

Before I had sex, I got the impression (from where I'm not sure, probably media more than humans) that the main difficulty was that men came much faster than women, the expected position was man on top, and that men focused too much on their own pleasure and forgot the woman's.

In my actual experience, it's been exactly the opposite. Maybe I've been running into a weird sample or I'm doing something wrong, but every guy I've fucked has taken roughly one million years a half hour to get off. I need about five minutes. Two if you're trying really hard. And unless we explictly agree on something else, guys expect me to get on top during sex.

And as for pleasure... well, I wonder if this has something to do with the fact that I've never slept with a guy who didn't have a "lucky" d20, but the guys usually expect it to be all about me. Their typical sexual script seems to be that they'll kiss me, then suck on my breasts, then finger me, then go down on me, then fuck me, and my job is to enjoy it. I try to be a little more giving than that, but it always seems to come as a suprise when I am.

I wish I knew where I got my weird expectations, because I'd like to tell it, whatever it is (probably some amalgam of 70's era sex manuals, Cosmo, and American Pie), you are so wrong, buddy. Now stop filling the kids' heads with that nonsense.

Because really, if I were Missy Eliot, I'd be singing "I don't want no two-hour man."