Voyages of Discovery. (Fuckups.)

Most of my partners have been about the same experience level as me. I lost my virginity with a virgin; my first one-night stand claimed to have "never done this before" (lol?); my first time in serious bondage was Benny's first time tying someone up.

The good part is that no one need feel inadequate, and it's kind of fun. The bad part is that the blind are leading the blind.

Last night Benny lay me down on my back on the bed, and tied my hands to the headboard. Good, good. Then he tried to spread my legs as wide as possible, bend them all the way back over me, and tie my ankles to the headboard. I can see how it would be hot in theory/porn, but my reaction was less "your slave-slut is fully exposed, Master" and more "OW YOU ARE A CRAZY PERSON LET ME GO OW." (After some futzing and an embarassing amount of whining he fixed things, and we had plenty of fun.)

I'd've been angrier, except that the last time we played, I turned his hands blue. I thought I'd only made it secure-tight, not crazy-tight, but I'm not a knot expert and I forgot to check in once he was tied, and I guess it tightened up while we were playing. Literally ten seconds before he was about to come, I realized his hands were freezing cold and horrifyingly blue. I didn't think that was the most appropriate time to stop everything for a Safety Timeout, so l brought him over the edge and immediately started ripping the ropes off. He was shaking out pins and needles for the next half hour.

Since then I've been more careful about checking everything repeatedly through a scene, and the next position Benny came up with was considerably more reasonable. But there's still a lot of things we don't know, and we're going to go through a lot of awkwardness finding out. It's going to be an adventure.

(P.S.: It always bothers me when BDSM players come off really detached when they describe their play--"so, okay, we set my pussy on fire again, but the interesting part was..."--so I want to add that these nights were not mostly composed of complaints and clinical readjustments and awkward apologies. They were mostly composed of leather tight over flesh, of feeling a flogger crack hard on your skin and knowing there's worse coming and you can't escape it, of being fucked until you stopped begging for more and started begging to stop, and then fucked one more time just to show you who's boss. The futzy parts are just setup and surrounding.)