Pretty.

Being around kinky people tends to make me feel pretty. Which is not something I feel around normal people; there's some part of my brain that internalized the message "you are a total dog" around age 12 and will never totally let it go. But around kinky people, even when I'm not getting any play, I feel desirable. Even if nobody at all is saying "yes" to me, at least I feel like I'm being taken seriously as a sexual being.

I guess it's because in Kinkland, I have something to offer. Sometimes I feel (unfairly, I'm sure) that in Vanilla-land, because the range of activities is narrower, appearance matters more. In Kinkland, just the fact that I'm an eager and horny submissive gets me some points. (And likewise, a guy I might not give the time of day under other circumstances gets a whole lot of bonus points for being sexily dominant or super-skilled with rope.)

It's also because the kink world in general is pretty size-positive. It's almost impossible to go to a munch and feel like "the big girl," and it's pretty hard to go to one and not meet a guy who likes big girls.

In a funny way, I also feel prettier in Boston than I did in Seattle. I don't know if it's because I've been moving in kinkier circles here, or I was older and more confident when I got here, but I also feel like there's more women here who look like me, and more men willing to take me seriously. I'm not sure if this perception is true or not, but either way... I feel much prettier now than ever before in my life, and I really love it.