Relaxing the sexy.

I hate being "sexy." I'm bad at it--I don't have a "sexy" body, I'm awkward in "sexy" clothes, and I never learned exactly how makeup works. And it just feels wrong to me. When I dress up as conventionally "sexy" as I can, I feel like I'm in an elaborate costume; when I'm in ratty jeans I feel like I'm just myself wearing my clothes.

But I tend to put on at least a half-assed "sexy" costume when I'm trying to meet new guys--I won't go full monty as I can't do that without looking absurd, but I'll at least wear sort of a nice top and some eyeshadow. I tend to assume--stupidly, insecurely, but I keep doing it--that "guys like sexy" and thus I'll endure "sexiness" to snag me a man.

As soon as I get in a relationship, every time, I stop the "sexy" completely. The third date is pretty much the last time you'll see makeup on my face or product in my hair. I just can't keep up the charade.

But, despite appearances, it's not a matter of turning slovenly and complacent. Because while I drop the "sexy," I never drop the sexy. I've never been in a relationship where the sex--or the sexual experimentation and adventure and enthusiasm--dropped off at all. I love fucking, I love finding new ways to fuck, I love talking about sex and being sexual, I love pleasing my partner and oh do I love it when they please me. I may show up to your house with my hair in a hopeless tangle and mustard on my shirt, but I'm still coming there because I want to have insane screaming orgasms with you.

And hell, we both know I'm going to be naked and have my face and hair totally smeared up fifteen minutes after I walk in the door anyway.

I'm still unsure if the conclusion from this is to show up to first dates in my hospital sweatshirt and painting pants. On the one hand, that avoids anyone feeling like they've been bait-and-switched, and it screens for the (minority, but quite extant) awesome dudes who like me better that way. On the other hand, it seems like un-"sexy" clothes can convey the message that I'm not interested in sex, and that's not something I generally want a date to think. Hyperfeminine clothes and behavior may be utterly unappealing to me, but they do seem to send the "dick wanted, apply within" message much more clearly than looking boring and just being sexy inside.

Maybe I should show up in the hospital sweatshirt, but pin on a long explanatory note about how in my perception this is what I wear when I'm horny.