Shameless.

I have dreams about being naked in public a lot. (Some of this is probably just sensory bleed-through from sleeping naked.) I often feel stressed and try to cover myself up in those dreams. The interesting part to me is why I'm stressed, why I don't just stroll down the street with pride. I don't feel at all bothered myself by being naked, but I worry tremendously what other people will think. I don't cover the parts of myself that I want to hide, but the parts I think other people don't want to see. That is, I don't feel any shame; I'm just afraid of being shamed.

I'm not sure I can call this social pressure all wrong. Otherwise I'd totally talk about my poop in public. When I say I don't have an innate sense of shame, I'm not just talking about the fun parts. This blog has its own rules of shame, ones that I run into from time to time; I can take my clothes off here, but I can't say anything and get away with it. There's the poop issue again. If my innate shame is weak, the shame I feel from social disapproval is probably stronger than usual.

It colors my way of thinking, though. I'm simultaneously very comfortable with my body, and very uncomfortable with people disapproving of my body. Which leaves me basically just walking around my own bedroom naked, which is what I think most people do anyway.

It makes me wonder, though, about my assumptions of "most people." Do you cover up because you want to, or because you're expected to? If you were in a room full of people who were guaranteed not to bat an eyelash, not to even think bad thoughts if you stripped down--would you keep your clothes on?