If you've had sex with everyone your partners have had sex with, I've had sex with a chinchilla.
(Making it even worse: I learned this before I had sex with the guy.
Making it slightly better: The chinchilla wasn't harmed--its soft fur, rather than any orifice, was the object of my lover's ardor--and he characterized its state afterwards as "confused, but not upset.")
I started writing a really thoughtful essay, but I got stuck, so.
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