10 tips for having sex with women.

1. Women are rather submissive, and will appreciate a bit of take-charge in your attitude, from a little extra firmness in your touch to shoving your dick in her mouth and referring to her as "slut."

2. Don't touch her clit. Women hate that. You can touch around it, you can touch the lips and the mound, but keep your poky fingers off the clit, please.

3. Spank her. Oh god, yeah, spank her.

4. She'll get rather moany and squirmy rather early in the proceedings. Don't take this as a sign that she's done. Believe me, you'll know when she's done.

5. Women like to be manhandled, literally. Don't be shy; grab her by the wrists or the hair and put her right where you want her. She grew that ponytail just to give you a nice handle.

6. The more turned on she is, the more she can take. In just about every sense--size, pain, aerobicism. Show some consideration for her comfort at the start, but when she really gets into it, fucking use her, she'll love it.

7. Women's nipples are quite sensitive. You should probably put your mouth on them. A little bit of tooth wouldn't hurt.

8. Don't bother with cunnilingus unless you really enjoy it. Women appreciate the effort and all, but it doesn't really do much for them.

9. Women like it doggy-style. They have a good time in missionary and most funky positions too, but they're not that great at being on top. They'll do it, they sure like it better than sitting around sipping a mint julep, but they never feel totally confident up there.

10. Want the real secret to pleasing a woman? Penetration, penetration, penetration. Even if she isn't so keen on your foreplay--even if she isn't all that keen on you--gently work your fingers or your dick up in there and her eyes will roll back.




(Explanation for the confused: By being ridiculously self-centered I illustrate how women--how people--are so individual that any list of simple physical tips is doomed to failure. By drawing it out to ten items, I illustrate how much I love to talk about my vagina.)