David Reuben, M.D., on the Evil BDSM Agenda.

A while ago, I read the original 1971 book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), and found it hilariously homophobic, kink-phobic, and generally inaccurate. Then I got my hands on the all-new, totally-rewritten 1999 version, opened to the chapter on "Sexual Perversion", and... wow.

BDSM, the King of the Perversions.
Awesome! I'm King Perv!

These innocent initials stand for an immense shadow world that exists in every city and suburb in America and probably reaches right into your own neighborhood.
Shadow world. Whoa. It's pretty cool being part of a Vast International Conspiracy™. (Actually I'm Jewish so I'm in two. I get a great rate on UFO rentals.)

These letters translate to "Bondage-Domination-Sado-Masochism.
And that right there tells you how much research this guy did.

Here are some selections from his attempt at a BDSM glossary:

Asphyxia: A "game" in which the "Bottom" is deprived of air by ropes, gags, masks, plastic bags, etc. See Edgeplay.
What's with the scare quotes? And, um, I hope he doesn't think this is a standard BDSM activity, what with the dying and the brain damage and all.

CB/T: Penis and testicle torture. (The actual words are more graphic.)
This is a book entirely about sex. It has 23 pages devoted to the male sexual organs. I don't think the words "cock and ball" are going to scandalize any innocents.

Edgeplay: These are dangerous D&S "games" that are looked upon with some trepidation. They can bring the victim to the "edge" of death.
Edge of your limits, not edge of death! Christ, he must think we're all psychotic. Knifeplay is edgeplay when you're terrified of knives, not when your top sticks it in your jugular. Sheesh.

Sadist: An individual who enjoys causing pain in a nonconsensual manner or regardless of the presence or absence of consent.
Now he's just being a jerk. (I suppose some people take this book seriously--it's a famous title after all--and God help me if they ever find out I'm into BDSM.)


But how does BDSM actually work?
The basic arrangement goes something like this: The "Top," who is "Dominant," hurts and punishes the "Bottom," who is "Submissive." The "Bottom" has a "Safe Word" if things get out of control--which they often do. When the "Top" hears the "Safe Word" he or she is supposed to stop--which they usually do.
The scare quotes and random capitalizations are going wild. And that fucking snideass "often" and "usually"...

Have you ever seen a headline like this one:
YOUNG GIRLS ESCAPE FROM HOMEMADE JAIL--TORTURED
Could that have been BDSM out of control?
No. No it couldn't. Would you please stop calling me a child rapist?

Sometimes a "Top" will choke a "Bottom" during sex or masturbation to try to increase the sensation. But choking someone is a delicate business, and squeezing can quickly turn into "Squicking" and send your "Bottom" to the Next World. Then you go to jail--which may not be a totally disagreeable place for a devoted Masochist.
Oh yeah, because masochists (sorry, Masochists, or maybe "Masochists") are crazy backwards people who think all bad things are good things! You give them a birthday cake and they cry, you hit them with a chainsaw and they laugh! So you know they'd looove prison rape because that is just like SM sex!

(Also, he doesn't know what "squick" means.)

But there's still a real problem because the outer limits of BDSM are rape, torture, and ultimately murder. When you read about people who kidnap and torture little children, who rape infants, who cut their victims into little pieces and/or eat them, you are seeing cases of BDSM far beyond the Play Party stage.
Darn, he's got me there, I do eat babies.

This BDSM stuff makes me nervous. Why do I have to know about it?
Because it is much closer to you then you ever imagined. If you have children, if you have coworkers, if you have employees, if you have relatives that you care about, you need to know what BDSM is all about--because it is all around you.
In recent years BDSM has become big business and part of the "cultural scene". Children as young as three and four years old are being exposed to it, and older children are being bombarded with it.
Wow. This is like the new "gay agenda."

He goes on for two pages talking about ways that kids are exposed to "BDSM" in the media, from animals being comically killed in cartoons to basically any movie scene featuring restraint or violence. Apparently all media violence was planted there by the Evil BDSM Cartel to convert the innocent to our baby-rapin' ways.

The BDSM message is in clothes as well as actions. Black leather, iron and steel jewelry, piercing jewelry, big boots, chains and more chains--all transmit the message:
"BDSM is OK! We want you--and your child!"
Is that what you want for your child?
Holy fuck, man. We really are the new Gay Agenda. We're taking over the media. Corrupting the youth. Eating the youth.


This is actually kind of upsetting me. I'm a nice person, dammit. I give blood, I put money in Santa's kettle, I work with senior citizens. I just like to get beat up and bossed around (by another very nice person) in my free time. And here's a bestselling sex author--whom at least some people are going to believe--calling me a menace to society.

I am, at worst, only a Menace II Society.