Acceptance.

My very close, very dear, but incredibly socially conservative friend Julie kept asking how things were going with Alan, and a couple days ago I finally cracked and told her about Benny. It went better than I'd expected; she was surprised, but not shocked, and not at all judgmental.

But the funny part was that she said how surprised she was that neither of the guys was sleeping with anyone besides me. I have neither the looks nor the personality you'd expect of someone who was able to command the exclusive attentions of two men. But it wasn't based on worthiness, it's not like I applied for the post of "manharem owner" and got approved by the Manharem Admissions Committee, things just worked out this way.

("Command the attentions"... sheesh. I fuck them. And sometimes we watch cop shows.)

She also mentioned how she could never handle that emotionally because for her sex and romance are extremely one-person deals. The funny part there was how weird that sounded to me. I mean, why would they be? That's like saying you can only have one close friend! No one says that! "I can't get drunk and watch horror movies with you, I already have a friend!" How weird would that be?

(Julie is married to the only man she ever dated.)

I really don't feel any internal drive to have affection for just one partner. I can see myself doing it for practical reasons someday (seems wrong to screw around while raising kids, although I'm not totally sure why), but there's no feeling, no need to only love/fuck one person, or to have them love/fuck only me.

I can get so lost in my happy little sexual utopia that I forget how the entire rest of the world works.