The Two Most Fatuous Conversations I Had In The Hospital.

Doctor: "I see you have this rash here, it looks like an allergic reaction."
Me: "I've had that on and off since I got sick."
Doctor: "Do you have any pets at home?"
Me: "I have guinea pigs. But I've had them for years and this rash started exactly the same time my fever did."
Doctor: "Look, I can't force you to get rid of your pets, I'm just saying..."


Nurse: "Any questions before we discharge you?"
Me: "How can I avoid giving this to my boyfriend?" [slight simplification of truth]
Nurse: "Stay away from him!"
Me: "Well yeah, but..."
Nurse: *laughing* "ABSTINENCE, GIRL!"
Me: "Forever?"
Nurse: "...Um, no. For about two weeks or til you feel better."


(Same nurse: "You're not working or going to school right now, right?" What, do I have a particularly unemployed-looking face?)


So at least the nurse eventually gave me useful information. I cannot say the same of that doctor. He's the same one who wanted to keep me in the hospital an extra day just so they could do another blood test, and it took considerable debating and heel-digging-in to point out that I could just come in and get my blood drawn without needing to spend the other 23.75 hours in storage for their convenience.