Transgressing.

Sometimes I want to do thing that aren't safely psuedo-wrong, but WRONG wrong. Things that aren't just shocking to the squares but are actually kind of stupid. I want to fuck in public and it's somewhere we really could get caught. I want to get play-raped and it isn't so finely negotiated that I secretly know I'll be okay with everything he does. I want to get tied up and there aren't trauma shears in the room.

It's a fine line, because I genuinely DON'T want to be arrested or genuinely damaged or strangle in the ropes. I don't want to fall... but I do want to climb without a harness. Usually I err on the "harness" side of things, then, because in practical terms I value my quality of life more than I value having mega super fantastic sexual thrills. I'm not saying I plan to be genuinely unsafe. Only that it's hot.

When I posted the hatchet photo, some people pointed out that it's not a safe insertion toy. I defended it some, but you know what? It's not. It's not a rusty sawblade, but sticking a hatchet up your cooter really is stupider than using a freshly sterilized soft silicone toy intended for sex. It did hurt a bit, and I really could have damaged or infected my vagina. The wrongness-- the REAL wrongness, the part that wasn't 100% simulated and pre-negotiated--is what made it hot and memorable.

There's a delicate balance here, a middle point between playing like an insurance company representative and playing like a reckless idiot. But that's not unique to sex. I went bouldering yesterday. I climbed quite a bit more than my height up a big chunk of granite without any ropes, and if I'd slipped I had decent odds of breaking my ankle and nonzero odds of breaking my spine. Now, I wouldn't do this on Half Dome. I like my spine. But being up on that granite wall made me feel alive.

Sometimes kink really isn't Nerf, and that's okay. Or rather, it isn't okay, and God that's so hot.