Hit me because you like me.

An interesting realization I had, pondering how kink in reality compares with fantasy kink: I'm really not into the dynamic of "the Dom doesn't like the sub." It came up in comments a couple posts back, with a person in a 24/7 D/s relationship remarking that they would never be called a "worthless worm." And it occurred to me that I've never been called anything of the sort either, and I wouldn't want to be. For all the hitting, the BDSM scenes I enjoy are based on the pretext "the Dom really likes using the sub." It's not quite the "precious gift of submission," but it's the idea that I'm an enjoyable toy, not an object of hate or disdain.

I haven't seen too much genuine-dislike-play in reality. I've seen a shit-ton on the Internet. The worst seems to be in financial domination sites (which are weird as hell anyway; I'm half split between "hey, I want in on that racket" and "god, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen")--check out this for an example of the dynamic that makes me a lot more sad than aroused.

Which is funny, because I am into some fairly icky humiliation play, but it's a different kind of humiliation. It's humiliation about "I can do whatever I want with you," which is very different from "I don't like you." It's the difference between "look at you, you'll fucking drink my piss, you'll do anything" and "look at you, you'll fucking drink my piss, you're revolting."

I guess it might sound sort of funny if you don't have real-life BDSM experience, but causing someone every kind of physical and psychological misery for your sexual pleasure doesn't mean you have to be unpleasant to them.