Scenes from an Apocalyptic Orgy.

-When certain people invite me to a "non-play event" that's really just a nice casual social barbecue, I'm just going to smile and nod and wait for the cocks to come out, because apparently in the presence of Certain People it takes about five minutes. Things were relatively decorous (except for Tommy doing his girlfriend in the bathroom while people stood outside the window holding up scorecards in the manner of Olympic judging), and then somehow the kitchen turned into an orgy. I'm not totally sure when the tipping point was. One moment I was just playfully sucking someone's nipples, almost as a joke, and the next I had different men's fingers in my pussy and ass.

-The "We have gone X days without a PIV incident" counter has been officially reset. With two different dudes. Whooo.

-I tried to get dressed three or four times, and each time within seconds someone would rip my clothes off. Eventually I gave up and just ran around naked all night. I ended the party lying naked on the lawn, staring up at the stars, just me and the grass and the world and the 500 mosquitos biting my ass.

-The previous night Lord Snuffulupagus wrote "WHORE" on me in Sharpie, and it washed off thorougly enough for me to rejoin polite society. Today it is carved in. (I have requested that the next time he wants to use me as a memo pad, he do "BUTT SLUT.")

-At some point I was lying on the kitchen floor yelling "I'M A FEMINSHT YOU GUYSH, A BIG SHTIME FEMININIMIST" to the guys who had been scratching me with steak knives and sticking a beer bottle up my pussy. ("This beer's gone skanked!") So, um, hopefully that doesn't lose me any cred.

-I started the night with a sore pussy and after being fucked by two guys and fingered by like everyone and Lord Snuffulupagus making some sort of running joke out of stuffing random household objects in me, the situation was to the point where getting penetrated was heavy pain play all on its own. I started giving a lot of blowjobs.

-Okay... I continued giving a lot of blowjobs. I'm disappointed that my gag reflex is what it is--I just can't get all the way down on an average size guy--but I try to make up for it in stamina and enthusiasm.

-90% of the party was perverts who were used to this shit, but at some point two relatively normal people showed up. They weren't exactly scandalized, but I think they were a little surprised at first. I honestly wasn't sure how to answer the question after a flogging, "Does that, like, hurt?"

(Yes. But not as bad as you'd think, probably, and really not bad at all by BDSM standards. And I kinda like that it hurts.)

-There was an interesting fluidity (hurr) to a lot of it, where people would be fucking and other people would be wandering in and out of the room watching or participating or just drunkenly giggling. There's an occasionally creepy fine line between "Ha ha, can I get an assist, you take the tits" and running into serious consent issues--at one point I did kind of get the heebie jeebies when people were pinning all my limbs and fingering me and I wasn't 100% sure who was doing what or if I had any ability to stop it--but for the most part I think things worked out.

-It's almost funny which social anxieties are exactly the same when you're fucking your way through a party. Oh no, am I being too slutty, are people thinking less of me for real? What did she mean by that remark? I don't want to fuck that guy, I hope I'm not snubbing him. Is it weird that I'm the only totally naked person? If I really don't want something, how do I get out of it without being a buzzkill? How can I make sure I'm not offending a guy's partner(s) when I fuck him? Where did all the kebabs go? Dammit, I was still hungry, WHO ATE ALL THE KEBABS YOU ASSHOLES.

-I don't think I can ever play "I Never" again.

-Was all this degrading, was my "I'SH A FEMINISH" truly sad or hypocritical? My answer: only if your view of what's degrading is hopelessly asymmetrical. Only if you think that a guy who's had three pussies on his cock is somehow more dignified than a girl who's had three cocks up her pussy. Only if you think that being flogged is necessarily more degrading than swinging a flogger. If you can accept that every sex act has two sides, then simply engaging in a lot of sex acts, even weird ones with near-strangers, shouldn't automatically be degrading to the women or the bottoms.

Also, most of what went on was really done in a spirit of fun and friendship. There was a lot of laughing and joking that women/bottoms were entirely included in, and things were relaxed and playful. It wasn't "hold her down and jam a beer bottle up there," it was me gigglingly and willingly offering myself for it and people stopping when I said "ow." (Or when I yelled "righty tighty lefty loosey, dammit!")

-I am still owed cake.