Sometimes I Forget.

Being indignant or snarky is easy. Being sincere is hard. When you're not on the offense or defense, you're vulnerable. But I don't intend to embroider "Born To Criticize" on my jacket. Criticism is important, but only if you remember what it is you're fighting for.

I saw an old friend the other day and he helped me remember. What I'm defending is joy. There were so many moments when my heart was pounding in my ears and my skin was alive with pleasure. My whole body was human and animal and real. For just an instant, life was perfect.

I used to be more concerned with the physical than I am now, I think. I couldn't honestly tell you much about his penis. It was... penis-shaped? They're not that different from each other. I could tell you a lot more about his eyes. They did that intense, animal thing men's eyes do when they're completely lost in pleasure. I don't know if seeing that look is a "right" or if it's always right--I just know that I love it. Right or wrong I'd fight for it.

And oh, he beat me up. He beat me up good. It was in that sweet spot where I don't have to struggle with managing pain, it's just all good. When I'm halfway to coming already and all my skin is so sensitive. You can just stroke me on the neck and it's almost too much.

We fell asleep together, for a little while. It was an uncomfortable position but a perfect rest. When we woke up we had sex again. He was stroking me over my entire body the whole time.

Sex is awesome, that's what I'm trying to say and that's what I should never forget. When I say that misogyny or misandry or homophobia or misinformation or repression or manipulation or whatnot is wrong, that's because they are in one way or another the enemies of joyful, mutual, safe, free sexuality. I won't let anyone tell me that sex is fine the way it is or that it's not important. Sex needs fighting for, and I want to do it.



Off this blog, of course it's harder, mostly because it's awkward using myself as a counter-example. Answering "perverts are messed up" with "hey, I like to get beat up and just last week I was sucking a man's cock while he twisted the clothespins on my nipples, and I'm fine" is bound to come off... weird. Even without gory details, self-identifying as a pervert and a slut is pretty hard to do in the real world. I find myself hiding behind flimsy rationalizations, saying things like "well, people will have sex anyway" instead of "well, people should have sex anyway because it's awesome."

It is, though. That's not dirty or trivial, not something that ought to always be subordinate to "serious concerns." Sexual pleasure matters. Telling women to be abstinent instead of using condoms is wrong because it'll lead to pregnancies and STDs, yes, but it's also wrong because it'll lead to them having less good sex than they could. That, in itself, is wrong.

It's not enough to say that sexual concerns are important because they relate to feminism or libertarianism or public health or whatnot. Sex itself is important.