Not Worth It.

(I should be blogging about that threesome. It was all sexy and shit. But I'm tired and sore and grouchy and would not do it justice. Sexiness later. Moping now.)

I think I've finally decided that CC is just not worth it. He's cute as fuck, he's exactly my physical and personality type and he makes me laugh my ass off all day, but... he's also kind of crazy. In ways that, while not friendship-killing, could make dating miserable.

He's over-sensitive and unpredictable. CC's psyche contains a myriad of Secret Sulk Buttons which are fucking invisible until you hit them, and when you do you're in for at least an hour of stony, averted-eyed "Hhmph. I'm fine. It's nothing. Hhmph." I'm an insensitive clod myself and have a bad habit of poking at known boundaries, even thick-skinned guys end up having to tell me "hey, that's really not an okay thing to joke about" a few times, but even if I weren't a jerk I don't think I could navigate CC's vast constellation of invisible shifting boundaries. And even if he weren't sensitive about random petty things, I don't want to date someone who goes into sulks instead of saying what the fuck's going on in his head.

Also, his reactions to me have crossed the line from "flirty" to "mixed messages," and then crossed a second, much thicker line into "batshit." It's okay to be huggy-jokey sometimes and want to keep it professional other times; it's not okay to decide these times at fucking random and freak the hell out when I guess wrong.

Don't get me wrong, the day we get unpartnered I'm still going to try to fuck him. I just don't think I have any interest in ever dating him.

Thank God, right? Wanting what you can't have is very romantic and titillating and all, but it's pretty dumb compared to plain old having.



...Although I do still need to work on that part.