Disgusting sex toy story.

So I'm at the sex store to pick up some basic needs, and they've got a clearance rack with really, really cheap stuff.

Hey! Ben wa balls for two bucks! I always heard those were bullshit. But I also read an old sex manual once with a description of having them in your vagina and just rolling your hips and coming to orgasm after languid, easy orgasm. That kinda... grabbed me. It's probably bullshit, but hey, two bucks.

Alright, got home, let's try these puppies out. Slip them in, and... yeah, the hands-free thing is utter bullshit, but if I rub my clit and the outside of my pussy with them in... ooh. Not bad. I can feel them turning and sliding inside me. Mmmm. Spank me harder, invisible imagination man. Oh, you've got such strong arms. Harder. Oh. Oh yeah. OOOOOHHHHH.

Gosh, that was nice.

Well, now to get them out. First one just pops out. Second one... oh shit.

Oh Jesus. It's way in there. Every time I squeeze it goes higher not lower. I can't get a finger behind it.

Oh Jesus. All the emergency rooms in 50 miles know me. I'll have to drive to Yakima.

Alright, look around. Is there anything I can use? Forceps? Speculum? Dammit, if only I were more of a pervert, I'd have the tools I need right now. Maybe I can poke at it with a pen or a ruler or something... no, I'm going to hurt myself. Bad idea.

Okay Holly. Just focus. You can do this. Like giving birth to a tiny, spherical, metal baby. Focus. Deep breath. Puush. You can do it.


*plop*


I am never using those fucking things ever again.