Why You Aren't Getting Laid.

This post is for all the men out there who wail to the heavens that they're not getting laid and it isn't faaaaaiiiir. (Okay, it's for one man, and his name rhymes with "Peurosabra." But I know a few other guys who read this and demonstrate these behaviors to a lesser extent, and maybe there are others lurking, so consider this a public service announcement.) Here are five possible reasons you're not getting laid. I have to warn you, none of them are "having sex is impossible for you and it's not your fault, bitches only want millionaires with rock-hard abs."

1) You are unattractive.
I don't just mean ugly. I mean that you're not doing obvious things to make yourself attractive. You're wearing sweatpants and programming-language t-shirts everywhere, you're not so tidy with your grooming, you're not going to the gym, you're laughing loudly through your nose, you're ignoring everyone at the party except the ones you want to fuck. Losing weight takes a long time and your face and personality may never change, but there are things you can do in one day without any painful sacrifices.

2) You think you're a loser.
Few attitudes are less sexy than "I know I'm fat and shlumpy and boring... but does someone wanna fuck me anyway?" When you think you're unfuckable, you have an amazing power to transmit that belief to others. When you walk around--not like you're hot shit, that will backfire--but just like you're a regular person who's no worse than anyone else--other people start to believe it too.

3) You're aiming too high.
It never ceases to amaze me how men who complain that they can't get anyone will then turn around and tell me that they're only attracted to women who meet ridiculously exacting standards. "I can't meet a girl" turns out to really mean "I can't meet the 0.05% of girls I find acceptable." You choosy beggar. Now, I'm not telling you to fuck someone you don't find attractive, that's not fair to you or her. But I am telling you to reassess your standards. Figure out which ones you actually need to feel a connection with someone, and which ones are stupid bullshit you made up for some bullshit reason. If you only feel attracted to skinny women, that may just be you; if you find yourself exclusively attracted to 26-year-old blonde tennis players with advanced degrees and perfect skin, I'm sorry, there's some stupid bullshit in there.

Don't form a mental image of the perfect woman and then search for a real woman who matches. Empty your mind of preconceptions, look at real women for what they are, and decide how much you like them, not how close they are to your ideal.

4) You're not really trying.
Some guys who complain about not getting laid are really complaining that a sexy woman isn't knocking on their door while they sit at home twiddling their thumbs and watching "Intervention." If you don't get your ass out there, you've got no chance. It doesn't have to be a meat market; anywhere you meet people, from a dog park to a continuing-ed class to a friend's house to OkFrickin'Cupid, is better than huddling up in your cave.

5) You're a creep.
Maybe #4 doesn't apply to you. Maybe instead you're trying way too hard. You're looking for the angle, trying to beat the game. Sarging, negs, NLP, silly hats--good fuck, what is wrong with you? Human fucking beings don't fucking work like that. (If they did, you'd be getting laid enough that you'd mellow out and shut up about this bullshit.) You're going to come off as a sweaty, huffling Creepasaurus when you do that shit.

(Incidentally: have you ever noticed that guys who do the PUA shit the hardest tend to be the ones who neglect the kindergarten basics of being attractive? There's nothing quite like having a guy lay his hand "casually" in your personal space and ask you to think of a time you were very attracted to someone, and realizing that his breath smells like dead rats.)