Tears.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

I was playing with a hittybuddy friend I've played with quite a few times in the past, and we were having a grand old time--me tied kneeling with a chest harness anchored over my head and my hands tied to the bed, him slapping me around with his hands and a nastymean little metal toy, lots of smiling and giggling and sexiness, and suddenly I started crying. Not bawling, not roleplay-y "ooh you mean man you made me cwy", just tears silently coming out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them.

"Are... are you okay?"
"I'm fine."

The weird part is, I meant it. I didn't feel upset about anything, I wasn't having any crazy-chick thoughts, I like him but just as a sexy friend, I was enjoying the play. The only emotion troubling me was intense embarrassment that I couldn't control my tearducts.

It ended the scene on a horrible awkward note. He untied me and I slunk home in shame. We probably should've talked about something but I didn't have anything to say besides "gosh, I hope I didn't totally ruin your night... I'm pretty sure I did though," and that doesn't seem helpful. I just don't know what the fuck.

Ugh.