"No."

I asked a male friend if he wanted to have sex. He said no. I responded like the mature, enlightened, sex-positive, individual-choice-valuing intellectual that I am, and asked "are you suuure?" about twenty times and pawed him in the street and pretty much oozed all over him.

If our genders were reversed I'd be Googling "testicle replacement surgery" right about now, but fortunately Society thinks that a woman overbearingly groping a man is kinda funny, so I'm only deeply, deeply ashamed of myself.

It's not even the first time I've done this. When my first boyfriend broke up with me, my response was to tearfully try to take his pants off. If I can just get to the penis I can fix everything! I'm a creature of simple mind.

I don't take being turned down well. I don't get angry, it's just... it hurts me in my ego and my vagina, and those are my two most sensitive parts. And there's sort of a petulant unreasonable six-year-old in me who just got told she can't go on the rollycoaster even though she wanna. It's sort of unfortunate when your rollycoaster of choice is the bodies of other human beings. I'd like to believe that someday I'll grow into the kind of serenity that lets me take a "no" gracefully, but I doubt it.

I've never been on the opposite side of this situation. I don't remember ever saying no to a sincere offer of sex. Maybe when I wasn't physically up for intercourse I offered a rain check or a consolation prize (as in, "I could console the chrome off a ball hitch"), but actually saying "I don't want to do anything sexual with you"? Not once. I'm mousy enough to not get a lot of offers, horny enough to want as much as I can get, and willfully ignorant enough to always believe we'll both feel great in the morning.

Feh. Much as I love to write about it in hifalutin theoretical fashion, I don't have the sexual morals God gave a bonobo. I'm sad I made such a disrespectful ass of myself, and I'm still sad I didn't get any.



Well. To the Bat-Craigslist! Den of the all too willing and even fucking crazier than me! Thank God for free anonymous sex ads! They fix everything!