Loveless.

Had an absolutely amazing scene with Benny--my entire body wrapped in rope, buttplug up my ass, him whipping me and forcing his cock down my throat.

But then. I stuck around, and we fucked and cuddled, and while we were cuddling Benny felt it necessary to tell me repeatedly and in many different ways that he didn't love me, we had no future together, I shouldn't get any idea that this means anything, and so on.

Well fuck, guess I'll have to go return that ring.

Look, I know we're just friends-with-hitty-benefits. I wouldn't even want to be more than that, not with Benny. But at the same time there's no goddamn reason to rub my nose in it. Especially not in a tone that suggests feeling affection for him would be some kind of horrible exploitative crime upon his person. I don't know if he's worrying that I'll stalk him or have a surprise baby or what. Or if he's just afraid that the good-for-sex-only slut might forget her place.

I'm not in love with Benny; I'm not insane. But it's a bit insulting to be naked in bed and have the naked man you just fucked hold you close and say "I don't want you getting any ideas."


For the first time I'm really not 100% sure I want to see Benny again. I love the sex. Everything he does in bed (or on floor, or in bathtub, or on kitchen counter, or over arm of sofa) is fucking fantastic, hot rough dominant sex like I've never had. I don't mind it being casual. But I can't take him being such a suspicious "you really want to trap me, right?" ass about it.