Just a roleplayer.

I was reading some online BDSM communities and I was shocked how much discussion there was on this point: "It's not a real punishment if the slave wants to do it. Only spank them if they hate being spanked!"

...Wha? As my grandmother would say, "I'm not doing this for my health, buddy." (She's from New York, she's not the sweet knitting type of grandma.) If I want to be spanked you should spank me, and if I don't, you fucking shouldn't! There's no greater good to work towards here. It's sex.

Of course there's some unavoidable doublethink in BDSM. I certainly do say "oh no, please don't make me do that" (sometimes even without the sarcastic inflection) to Benny. Hell, sometimes I even say "make me do something I don't want to do." That's not winning any logic awards. Still, there's always underlying consent and enjoyment. The pretense is that he's mean to me because he's the big scary master, but in the real world, he's mean to me because I dig on it.

I guess I'm not a real submissive. All I can say is that I don't want to be. Not only would I not like punishments that didn't make my panties wet, but I would be pretty emotionally devastated to be sexually punished for anything in real life. I've hear people say that in a real dominance relationship, the BDSM makes the submissive a stronger person, but... if Jon hit me for losing my job, or for failing a class, or even for something more minor like saying something offensive or not making him dinner... I'd cry my way to the police station.

Treating submission like it's a game doesn't make me insincere. It makes me sane.



(I'm also not a real submissive because occasionally I tie Benny up and finger his ass and make him eat my pussy and bring him to the very brink of orgasm before backing off and leaving him to writhe, but that's beside the point.)