Losin' It.

This is the story of how I lost my virginity. Not how I first had intercourse; that was not really a life-changing event, just a minor milestone. But the first time I was sexual with another person was a very defined and momentous event. It happened while we were watching Red Dwarf.

I was fifteen, and had just started college. (I was a child prodigy. Long story.) I was fat and weird-looking and socially awkward, and I'd never had any romanantic interaction with a boy, not so much as a backrub or a slow dance. He was twenty, and we'd been friends for three years. Friends was all; never a date, never a kiss. We were in his parents' basement watching cheesy old British sci-fi, him lying on the couch, me sitting on the floor in front. We were sort of cuddling, bodies in contact, his arm hanging down loosely over my side, but not really more than friends would do.

He didn't say anything. His hand just started rubbing my ribs gently, and very slowly, tentatively came around to stroke my breast. I didn't say anything. He slipped his hand under my shirt, stroking me over my bra. I was thrilled and terrified. Not because I felt assaulted, just because it felt so damn good and yet so new and intimidating, and because in some strange idiotic way I was afraid of rejection, that he would be disatissfied with what he felt and never do it again.

He slipped his hand under my bra, caressing my nipples. I still didn't react, didn't resist, didn't grope him back, didn't say "hey do you know what you're doing there?" or whatever I should've said. I just sat there and liked it.

After a few minutes he stopped abruptly, in chagrin I think, and asked me "Are you okay?" I told him yes and he went upstairs and I lay down on the couch and fell asleep.

In the morning he apologized. I told him that I'd liked it. I had. I was scared as shit, too confused to be really enthusiastic, but... it felt good. It was the first time that I'd been horny for a person who was also horny for me, and known it. And even wrapped up in awkwardness and silence and statutory rape, that's a damn good feeling.

One of the best in the world, even now.