First Date Fucking.

Sorry for no posty, it's been a busy week, with insane amounts of overtime (85 hour workweek, good Lord) and Halloween partyin' duties to boot.

Anyway I've been thinking about dates, and specifically about the third-date rule. Which I've never followed; I live by a first-date rule. Unless it was an unalloyed oh-God-he's-a-creep-when-will-it-be-over disaster, every date I've been on has ended without pants. (Due to the "women are the gatekeepers of sex, men take whatever they can get" paradigm of American society, or possibly my immense charms, no guy has ever had a problem with this.) Every guy I've ever considered a boyfriend has gotten pantsless on the day we met.

I've had a lot of people tell me this is a bad idea. He won't respect you, he won't enjoy it if there's no "challenge" or "chase", he won't think you have relationship potential.

To which there are a lot of answers: hey, he got naked too; my sexuality isn't some prize I hand out; fucking a woman isn't disrespecting her; hey, I've gotten some swell boyfriends out of it.

But I worry sometimes. You can make logical arguments and you can bemoan the dominant paradigm, but that doesn't undominant it and in the end I'd rather have a fulfilling relationship than fix the world. Should I start waiting to have sex? Hold off til the third date, until he puts effort into wooing me, until we've got some sort of real connection? Because I use the word "slut" but deep down I'm not a slut; I'm just a very horny conventional girl, and what I really want is a steady boyfriend I can fuck about eight times a day. If I could achieve this paradoxically by not having sex for a couple days, I'd do it.

It feels so goddamn manipulative though. I really hate that kind of dishonest power differential, the idea that I'm withholding something from him to control him. If I didn't want sex that would make it okay, but I do so it's dishonest to act otherwise. I think the only ethical option is for me to start humping his leg before we're out of the restaurant.