Transference.

The other night I went out to a party (you know, a party) with my friend J. I was hoping to get him laid, but J is a rather shy and awkward man and a big hulking galoot to boot, so he just chatted and watched. I stayed with him like a good faithful friend for several whole entire minutes, then got swept up in conversation with a new guy and we ran off and fooled around. Not quite sex fooled around, but fun times.

So I came back out, all flushed and mussed, and hopelessly cheerful, met back up with J, and I suddenly started getting really friendly with him. Not sex or even fool-around friendly, but unwarrantedly affectionate. I was touching him way more than I touch a friend, hugging him, ruffling his hair, trading backrubs. I felt like I'd fooled around with him. It was strange, a very chemical feeling.

I really do get high on sex.

(And I worry a little that all this was kind of cruel to J, but I made it very clear to him at the outset that I didn't bring him there to fuck him, so... ah well. I shouldn't be so damn sure he would've wanted my pity sex anyway.)